I gave a talk on Sunday about how the Plan of Salvation can help us find comfort when someone we love dies. I have to write my talks out completely, since giving them scares me, so I figured I'd copy it here to my blog/journal.
Some of you will be surprised
to know that public speaking really scares me.
In spite of that, I really enjoy teaching and speaking opportunities,
because I enjoy focusing on one aspect of the Gospel. Today I was given the assignment to speak on
how our understanding of the Plan of Salvation can help give us hope and
comfort when we are coping with the death of a loved one.
As we learn more about our
Heavenly Father’s great Plan of Salvation for us, we come to understand that
our journey doesn’t begin with our birth.
The Prophet Jerimiah wrote:
Then the word of the Lord
came unto me, saying,
We know that our spirits
existed in a pre-mortal existence with Heavenly Father we left that world to be
born and gain a mortal body. We chose to experience mortality so we could
experience happiness and sorrow and exercise our agency.
When we chose mortality, we
also knew that it included both birth and death.
Elder Russel M. Nelson taught
us:
We regarded the returning
home as the best part of that long-awaited trip, just as we do now. Before
embarking on any journey, we like to have some assurance of a round-trip
ticket. Returning from earth to life in our heavenly home requires passage
through—and not around—the doors of death. We were born to die, and we die to
live. (See 2 Cor. 6:9.)
As seedlings of God, we barely blossom on earth; we fully flower in heaven.
Just as our life as spirit
children of our Heavenly Father didn’t begin with our mortal birth, it does not
end with our mortal death.
I would like to share a
personal story that I have shared in Relief Society, so I hope the Sister’s don’t
mind. One of my very best friends,
Becky, was a young Mother who had been married only a few years with a 3 yr old
daughter when she was diagnosed with a rare and terminal cancer. She fought the cancer valiantly with grace
and faith, but in the end, her doctors told her they could do no more and that
she had 6 to 12 months to live. Just
three weeks later, I received a call from her sister. Becky had complications
with her cancer and she had been given only 48 hours or so to live, and she
wanted to see me.
As you can imagine, I was
crushed and overwhelmed. After a quick, hard cry, I took a shower and prayed to
know how to best handle my last hours with my dear friend in this life. As is
often the case when someone dies young, I was also feeling a strong sense that
it was too soon and that it was unfair that she would not be able to see her
young daughter grow up, or grow old with her husband.
At that time, I felt a great
peace and I stopped crying. I started to think of her life and the many trials
she had overcome, her hopes and ambitions and her faith and temple work. It was
almost as if her life flashed before my eyes J I received the clear impression that her life
was like a path marked on a map, that her death was a part of that path and a
planned part of a journey. At that
moment I KNEW that our Heavenly Father had a plan for her and her plan included
departing the mortal part of her journey at this time and in this way.
A few days later, after Becky
passed peacefully away, as I was praying for comfort I received a strong,
comforting knowledge that even though the mortal part of her journey had ended,
her path continued. I felt strongly that
she had work to do on the other side of the veil.
I think we can derive the
most comfort from our knowledge of the Plan of Salvation when we learn about
what happens after we die.
In Alma 40:11, we learn that
all spirits are taken home to Heavenly Father:
Now,
concerning the state
of the soul between death
and the resurrection—Behold, it has been made known unto me by an angel, that
the spirits of all men, as soon as they are departed from this mortal body,
yea, the spirits of all men, whether they be good or evil, are taken
home
to that God who gave them life.
In a revelation given to the
Prophet Joseph F. Smith recorded in D&C 138, we learn that the spirits
awaiting resurrection aren’t sitting around on clouds playing harps. They are continuing to grow and learn.
President Smith saw the
spirits awaiting resurrection and he saw the spirits of the righteous being
taught by the newly Resurrected Christ.
Christ then organized some of those spirits to teach the gospel to those
who had never had the opportunity to learn of it, or who rejected it during
their mortal life. From this, we learn
that our post-mortal existence isn’t static- we still learn, teach, and
practice our agency as we choose to accept and embrace the gospel or not.
When we are navigating the
loss of a loved one, we can perhaps gain the most comfort in the knowledge that
not only do they continue to teach, learn and grow on the other side of the
veil, but also that through the Plan of Salvation, our ties of love and family
don’t end with our mortal death. We may
have to endure a period of separation, but in the end we can be reunited with
them.
The first time I attended the
temple and received my endowment, I believe I caught a glimpse of what the many
amazing reunions may be like on the other side of the veil. I’m the 5th of 7
children, and I received my endowment just prior to getting married. Consequently, my older sisters, their
husbands, Dave’s family and my parents all attended my endowment session. They went through the veil before me, and as
I entered the beautiful and peaceful celestial room for the first time, I was
met with the sight of my family and soon-to-be inlaws all dressed in white and
smiling and hugging me. I can only imagine the joy at reuniting in such a place
of peace and Spirit after being apart for longer than a couple of hours!
Our knowledge of the Plan of
Salvation can be of great comfort to us as we process our grief when we lose a
loved one. It is a comfort to know that while we are saying goodbye, it is only
for a season, and that it is only “goodbye for now” and not “goodbye forever”.
Even though we can draw much
peace and comfort from our knowledge of the Plan of Salvation, we need to
remember that it is good and right that we feel sad and mourn those who have
passed on. I think that often we, as Latter Day Saints, may feel bad or guilty
because we think “Why should I be sad when I know the plan of Salvation and I
have an eternal perspective and knowledge that I will see them again?
Elder Nelson taught us:
Irrespective of age, we mourn
for those loved and lost. Mourning is one of the deepest expressions of pure
love. It is a natural response in complete accord with divine commandment:
“Thou shalt live together in love, insomuch that thou shalt weep for the loss
of them that die.” (D&C 42:45.)
As with many trials that we
face in our lives, grief provides us an opportunity to learn about ourselves
and grow spiritually. I have had the
opportunity to attend funerals for several amazing women over the last 6 or 7
years. Their ages and life stages included my friend Becky, a young wife and
mother, an experienced grandma, a mom with children just barely enjoying her
empty nest, and our very own beloved Sister Kinney.
Each funeral I attended for
these women left me feeling inspired. Even though the length of their mortal
journey here on earth varied greatly, each sister’s funeral shared common
themes. Those who spoke shared their
faith and love of the gospel, temple attendance and Church service. They spoke of love of music and nature. Each
Sister was a mother and their children testified of what they had learned from
their Mother. Other speakers shared their strength, grace and faith in during
trials and adversity. I have rarely felt the spirit so strongly as at these
different funerals.
After I left each funeral, I
thought- when my time comes and my life is distilled to it’s “highlight reel”
what do I want to be included? It made me ponder, am I living my life in such a
way now that those things are a priority? If I want to be like these amazing
sisters and remembered for my faith and testimony or cheerful
service, what am I doing today to follow their example?
When my friend Becky died, I
was at a time in my life where I really needed to balance my work and family
priorities. As I thought about her life
and her journey, I remembered how much comfort she took in a blessing her
husband gave her early in her cancer treatment. He said that others would learn
and be inspired by her experience. Because
of that, I made a conscious effort to channel the grief I was feeling into a
positive effort to follow her example and make changes in my priorities with an
eye towards the eternal perspective. It helped me to both be a better wife and
Mom as well as navigate my grief.
Elder Nelson taught us:
When our turn comes to pass
through the doors of death, we can say as did Paul: “The time of my departure
is at hand. I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept
the faith.” (2 Tim. 4:6–7.)
We need not look upon death as an enemy. With full
understanding and preparation, faith supplants fear. Hope displaces despair.
The Lord said, “Fear not even unto death; for in this world your joy is not
full, but in me your joy is full.” (D&C
101:36.) He bestowed this gift: “Peace I leave with you, my peace I
give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be
troubled, neither let it be afraid.” (John 14:27.)
Brothers and sisters, I know
that Heavenly Father has a plan for each of us. I know that that plan did not
begin with our mortal birth. I know that it does not end with our mortal
death. I know that while our mortal
death causes a sad separation that must be endured, we can take great comfort
in knowing that it is only temporary. I
know that we will be reunited with those we love who are on the other side of
the veil. I know that while they wait for us to join them, they are learning
and teaching and cheering us on.
