Twinners!

EJ and I got matching glasses (not really on purpose, they just worked out that way...). Aren't we cute?

Random Thoughts on a Tuesday While Avoiding Packing

I'm not even going to apologize for not posting anything. Um, hello?!? Buying a house? Moving? Remember?  Of course, by apologizing for not posting, it is kind of an apology for not posting. Moving on.

If you are bored and missing my thrilling blog updates, go here and check out my cutie niece at Disneyland Par-ee. Yep, her parents are cooler than us and take their kids to FRENCH Disneyland. We can't even manage AMERICAN Disneyland these days. But we do have stars at night that are big and bright.  Sadly, we don't see those stars because we live in the biggest metro area in the universe (or something- everything is bigger in TX).

As I'm packing our stuff, I'm realizing that it is at least 50% books and food.  I think that about says it all.

You know you are Relief Society President when you have 3 boxes/bags and a laundry basket labelled "RS Stuff".

I packed the majority of the kids books at the beginning of April (the first time we were moving).  It took up 8 boxes (counting EJ's chapter books).  Saturday, the kids gathered up the books we'd aquired since then. It filled 3 more boxes. I may have a book hoarding problem. Good thing the new house has a library!

My favorite thing about potty training with Bear is his little nekkid bum running off to the bathroom. He is earlier than his sisters and less able to take off/put on his unders by himself.  I'm just happy he is doing so well! I'd post a picture but that is creepy.

My friend Amanda recently said "There is no place like home, but the Lewisville 1st Ward comes pretty close!"  I have to agree. We have the best ward family ever- we have been blessed with so much move-related help and support (and boxes!). Love it.

Birdy is starting to get anxious about sleeping in her own room. It is cute how EJ is reassuring her that she'll be "right across the hall- literally"

In Memory

Four years ago today, one of my best friends, BeckyAnn, passed away. Every year around this time, and around her birthday in October I tell myself that I'm going to do it- I'm going to write The Post about what she means to me and how much I learned from her. But I haven't done it yet because it is emotional and I'm afraid I just won't do the topic justice. So I decided that this May to let go of that pressure and just sit down and write a rememberance and try to give my 3 readers (hi Tennille!) an idea of who she is and what I learned from her.

We met sometime after Senior year started (mid-September?) when she moved to our town from Portland, OR. My other best friend, Kim, was assigned to be her "buddy" on her first day and show her around. She introduced me to Becky and I looked at her porcelin-doll face with her big, beautiful eyes and long silky golden-brown hair and I thought "She's too pretty and too much of "fresh meat" to hang out with us- some other group will snatch her up." (BTW- Not a disparaging comment about me or Kim or our group of friends - new people were few and far between at our school- espcially pretty girls etc.

Lucky for me (us) she stuck with us and we got to know her a lot better and soon it was like she had always been a part of our lives. She was an athelete and participated in swimming, cross-country and track. She pioneered the creation of Wasatch High's very first swim team. She was always nurturing and responsible. I remember when we first met she took care of her sisters while her Mom went back to school. She was so smart. She was on the honor roll and we were all on the Academic Decathalon team together. She was artistic. She loved art and photography and she was always creating someting. I remember on one visit home from college, I went to her house and she was cutting out pictures and sayings and scraps of magazines and decopauging them to a glass bottle. I still have the jar I made that day on my dresser :) She was so fun because she was the "girly one"- the one who knew most about hair, makeup and clothes.

Many of my memories of my wedding day are tightly linked with Becky. She showed up at my house to spend the night before I got married with a HUGE duffle bag of everything I might possibly need. I remember that while I was getting married and Cyndi was doing my hair, Becky was giving me a pedicure and filing my toenails! Now that is love and friendship :) She was also the assigned "candid" photographer and her zillions of photos of that day are more cherished than the professional staged ones- she really captured our personalities and love. Plus it was funny to see her popping out of bushes like the paparazzi!

We continued to be friends through our many life changes over the next few years- my marriage (and subsequent boring-ness) and move to Arizona, her move to Provo with Kim, her inexplicable decision to join a country dance team and buy a cowboy hat :>, her marriage, my 1st pregnancy, and her adoption of her darling daughter Anna. It was still so great because even through all those changes, whenever we talked, emailed or when I was home it was like we'd never been apart.

Then the stars aligned and we moved back to UT, even living in Heber at the same time as Becky and Chris. We became closer than ever- we were both married and with daughters about the same age. She was there as a fellow new mom and a shoulder to cry on. It was great.

When our girls were about 2 and I was barely pregnant with Birdy, she was diagnosed with a rare cancer. I think of her courage and grace and fighting spirit through her months of punishing chemo and grim prognosis every single day. She told me once she received a blessing that others would learn from her illness and I am a living testimony of the fulfillment of that blessing. I think of my comparatively small trials and think of how easily I fall into the "Why me?!" or "This is too hard!" attitude. I never once heard her express frustration (although I'm sure she felt it sometimes) and she retained her faith in Heavenly Father's plan for her. As I face adversity in my own life I look to her example and try to face them with the same faith, courage and grace.

I'll never forget how I felt when Becky's sister called me to let me know that she was having some complications and that the Dr.'s had given her about 48 hrs. and that she wanted to see me. After pulling myself together I went upstairs to take a shower. I prayed so hard to know what I should say and for some peace to help get me through the difficult time I knew was ahead.

I received such peace and comfort then. I knew that that even thought it was sad and difficult to say goodbye to my dear friend who is also a young wife and mother like myself, it was Heavenly Father's plan for her life. I knew that she had fulfilled her time here and she was being called to a new mission. I also felt comfort that our parting wasn't permanent and that it was just like she was going to take a long trip. That helped me to be calm and know what to say and how to treat what was essentially our goodbye visit.

When I got to her house we laughed and joked and talked candidly. It was time for her to rest, and she asked Chris (her husband) and me to stay. I was at the head of her bed by her pillow, playing with her hair (which she loved). There was an open window by the bed that let in the fresh, warm breeze. We could see the TONS of lilacs outside swaying gently and occasionally smell them.

It was one of those peaceful, perfect, golden moments that you never forget. I was able to simply tell her that I was going to miss her, and she said she would miss me too. If it were a movie there would probably be a big scene that ended with me singing "Wind Beneath my Wings" or something like that, but it was just the opposite. At the end of the day, nothing needed to be said, she knew how I felt and I know how she felt and it was peaceful and sweet.

I feel like there is so much more I could and should say about her, but I could never get it all down. Instead, I hope Kim doesn't mind if I share some of her amazing eulogy for Becky (because, hey, she's the writer, not me!):

"Becky was and is a continuing light in our lives. She laughed easily, even at herself. She was delighted by life's beauties, including nature and the ocean. The Savior's light shined in her happy face, and she was like him in countless ways. Although she has passed on, she continues to testify of what was important to her by the legacy she leaves: a loving family, gospel covenants intact, a life lived faithfully even in the face of pain."

I miss her and think of her every day. I wish she could see how much Birdy and EJ has grown, and meet my boy. I'm grateful that I have such an amazing friend and I feel blessed to have known her.

Inspired

*** Warning- total nerdiness ahead. I just realized this post about cleaning/organizing my house is probably longer than most posts about my kids****

Cyndi was inspired by Lisa's posts about cleaning and organizing, and cleaned out her toyroom. That in turn inspired me to get going and organize my own house.

I know there are some amongst my readers who like to tease me for my organization and OCD about the cans in my pantry organized by type (veggies together, fruit together, etc.) and with all lables facing forward (you know who you are...) so it may come as a suprise that I needed to organize anything. Wow- that ended up sounding snotty :) awesome.

Here's the thing- I'm OCD about organizing but not when I'm pregnant or have a new baby. I just don't have the energy to do more than just shove things into closets and etc. with a vague idea of "I've got to do something about that." Side note: my cans are still organized by type and labels forward- like I said, I'm OCD and even pregnancy and newborn chaos can't shake that!

So we've been going through areas and rooms of our house and mercilessly getting rid of extra stuff and organizing places for what's left. I took Cyndi's advice and cleaned out stuff like we are moving (i.e. you look at something and say "Would I box this up and move it to another house?" if the answer is no, get rid of it). It worked. My kitchen is a million pounds lighter and my closet is on it's way to getting cleaner. A lot of it has to happen on weekends and etc. when DMP is around because I hadn't realized how hard organizing is with to big kids and one grabby boy but it's happening!

The best and most photogenic of all is my linen closet (picture above, and yes, those are labels on the shelves- I love my label maker as much as my kids). I found 3 tubes of toothpaste, 5-6 plug-in air freshner refill thingies and about 5 toothbrushes. We are set on those things forever now and I wouldn't have known it in the chaos!

So thanks Cyndi and Lisa for the inspiration to shake off my pregnancy/newborn mommy blahs and start working on getting the house back to the way I like it!

It's a brand-spankin' new month...

All right folks. It's a new month now and I'm going to take a big, deep, breath and let it out slowly and just let March go. Thanks in big part to General Conference, and the fact that I think I'm finding my mommy groove, I'm going to move forward with courage, confidence and optimism.

Because, really, I have a lot to be optimistic and confident about. DMP doesn't have a job (yet) but he is seeing a lot of positive movement on that front. He has gotten interviews for nearly everything he's applied for. He is waiting on an offer/no thanks on two positions, and he's had first interviews for two more. He is applying for new stuff all the time, so it is only a matter of time before SOMETHING happens, right?

We have been so, so blessed during this uncertain period. Thanks to a larger-than expected tax return, we have more in our bank account than we've had in over a year. Our cupboards (and freezer) are full and we are able to eat well. Thanks to the many fun, free activities at our local library and etc. and our annual passes to Thanksgiving Point and our new Pass of All Passes (Thanks Mom!) we are able to have lots of fun as a family. Coupons and Internet deal sleuthing means that I can slowly build up EJ and Bear's summer wardrobe (when will they stop growing already!).

To top it off, we have an amazing family who supports us and are praying for us. Sure things will be a whole lot rosier when we know where DMP is working and whatnot but in the meantime we are so very, very blessed!

Oh, and the picture? That's just to show off my pretty girl. I hate posts without pictures :)

Blog Blah...

I have tons to blog about- Birdy's birthday festivities being chief among them. I will get around to it, I promise. DMP is home this week for Spring Break so we've been chillin' and just hanging out together. School breaks like this are probably the only thing I'll miss about him going to school :)

I'm also not really feeling like posting with so much uncertainty. If I were a better writer, I'm sure I could adequetly tell you just how the roller-coaster of hope -> despair -> optimism -> frustration that being unemployed has put us on. Or I could tell how I unexpectedly felt a little shame in signing up my kiddos for state health care (don't worry- the shame quickly turned to frustration with the bureaucracy). If I was a really good writer, I could share about how the uncertainty about where we'll be and how much $ we'll make and if I get to stay at home forever is hell on me with my control-freak anxiety.

Come to think of it, it's probably lucky for everyone that I'm not that good because that would be a real downer. It just makes blogging hard because I can't really express what takes up 95% of my thoughts :)

Funny Stories

Birdy (while riding in the car): "Mom, my bum hurts".
Me: "I'm sorry - is it your bumps? (she has some odd red bumps occasionally- TMI, I know).
Birdy: "No. It hurts like a crazy cow!"

I got a call this morning. It was a nice-sounding older lady looking for Marie. I said "I think you have the wrong number". She told me that I have Marie's number and have I had it long?
I wanted to help her out and I said, "What number are you trying to call?"
She said: "I'm trying to call Marie's number- her maiden name is (something I can't remember)"
I told her our number and she confirmed that was the one she had written down. I said I was sorry and wished her luck in finding Marie.

Two minutes later the phone rings again. It was the woman again. She said "You were so nice before I wanted to call you back and let you know that they think the nuclear fallout {I'm assuming she means radiation from Japan?} is going to hit the US soon. I'm very concerned about it and you should make sure that you have iodine and buy some powdered milk just in case. I don't know if it will get here, but my daughter lives in California and I'm worried about her."

What could I do? I thanked her for letting me know and now I'm off to get some iodine and powdered milk...

So I'm learning...

... I'm really, really good at cycling the laundry from the washer to the dryer. I'm just not so good at folding it and putting it away. I think this is literally every stitch of dirty clothing/sheets in my house all clean and waiting to be folded and put away :)

Resolved

I don't typically make New Year's resolutions (unless they are food-related) but this year I actually have some.

1- I resolve to do better to keep my anxiety under control. I'm hoping I can do this without the drugs. Not that I don't love the drugs - I do and I'll be the first in line to tell you they were the biggest blessing in my life when I "went crazy". They made it so I could function and think again. I'm not against taking them again, but when I found out I was pregnant with Bear, I weaned myself off of them and boy, that sucked. Plus, I think they make me lose some of my drive or motivation which I think is sort of like my super-power and I need it :).

2- I want to make more lists. I read an interview with Heidi Klum where she said she makes lists all the time. Not grocery or to-do lists, but things like lists of stuff she wants to do with her kids, things she likes/dislikes and etc. I've read about list-making as an alternate form of journaling and I think it sounds fun and like something I can do. I want to make more lists this year (beyond the weekly grocery one). To that end I asked for (and got) a small book for my purse so I can create and add to them at any time. You'll probably see more here, too.

3- OK, it would be resolution time for me if I didn't include a food-related resolution. I want a food thing. You know how Cyndi is always asked to bring her potato salad to everything? Or Uncle Walt's salsa? Or how mom makes the best Chicken Pillows? I want a thing, or more likely a couple of things. Some recipe (or recipes) that I perfect so that I have "go to" dish or that my kids will say "Mom made the best...". We try so many new recipes that we hardly make the same thing twice. I'm going to change that up a bit and pick some to perfect. Any suggestions? Anything I've made that could be a candidate for my "thing"?

Twenty Pounds

So I've been working to lose my pregnancy weight (and, let's be honest, pre-pregnancy weight). Last week I hit the 20 lb mark- I've lost 20 lbs since EJ's birthday in Sept when I started keeping track. I was going to post some sort of before/after picture, but I never think about taking one when I'm cute.

So instead I'll give you another reference point for what 20 lbs looks like. Yep, our cute not-so-little Bear weighs 20 lbs, 13 oz at his appointment on Monday. My ultimate goal? Loose the equivalent of a Birdy or EJ (since they weigh about the same!).

Seriously- how can you look at those chubby legs and not die?!? Is he not the cutest, chubbiest baby EVER?

My Dream Pet

I squandered my recent "you've-just-had-a-baby-and-you-can-have-whatever-you-ask-for" opportunity. I think I asked for (and got) some food or something lame like that. What I should have asked DMP for is one of my dream pets...
I really, really want a pet octopus. Seriously. They are so cool- they change colors, they can squeeze themselves into tiny spaces, and they are smart. Did you hear about the lab that had a tank of crabs and a tank of octopus' in the same room? The crabs kept disappearing and the lab guys couldn't figure it out. One night they left a camera in the room. One of the octopus' got out and made it's way across the table to the crab tank, got and ate a crab and then went back to it's own tank. Awesome.

If I couldn't have an ocotopus, I'd settle for a cuttlefish. They have cute faces, they change colors, and they have that cool ruffly skirt. Or a dragonfish might be nice too. I don't think they do anything particularly interesting, but they sure are cool looking.

Hmmm- maybe for Christmas?

Well Worth a Read

I'm so blessed to have a wonderful friend who is my example in all things spiritual. I hope to be like her (even a little bit) one day. I'm always amazed at her perspective and knowledge on spiritual matters. It also helps that she is a much, much better writer than I'll ever be.

She just posted a blog about her thoughts on Elder Packer's confrence talk and the uproar following it. It is well worth a read since it is well-written and articulates my thoughts on the issue as well. Please also read at least the first two comments.
http://mormonandhappy.blogspot.com/2010/10/what-i-believe-about-president-packers.html

Hair Cut

So, I wanted to do something differentish with my hair, so my stylist and I decided to cut bangs. Oh yeah and look at Bear's cheek-pillows.

I figured it out...

I get a lot of sympathetic comments when people ask when I'm going back to work. I get it- most of those people are LDS SAHM's who likely view my working as a "have to" and not a "want to"(but, to be honest it's both...). Mostly the comments revolve around "Aren't you so sad to leave the baby?!?"

My answer to that is typically "Not really..." This isn't my first rodeo- I've done this twice before and I've learned that the baby will be just fine. I have always had confidence in my caregivers (DMP, babysitters) and this time he is going to be with his Auntie. That will be great for all of my kids, including Bear. Aunt Cyndi's kids are sweet, creative, fun, and well behaved. My kids are lucky to hang out at her house several days a week.

However, with my "Not really..." response, I still feel a twinge of... something. I am sad to leave the baby, but not because I'm worried about the care he'll get or that I'll miss him too much (I do miss my kids at work, but not distractingly so).

No, it is because I've learned that the end of my maternity leave marks the end of the time when I'm his very favorite person (mostly because I'm the primary food source, but I take what I can get...). It marks the end of the time when I know exactly what he likes, what soothes him, what his nap schedule is and when and what he ate all day.

After I go back to work, it will be DMP or Cyndi that will know those things and I'll be always asking on weekends "What time does he take a nap again? or "Is this normal?" It will be DMP and Cyndi sharing "he likes it when you..."

As for me- I'll be driving them both nuts with my questions of "what did he eat? How much? Did he like it?" When I first went back to work after EJ was born, DMP got really upset with me. "Don't you trust me that I'm feeding her?!?!" It has nothing to do with that- it is more of a way to let me in on some of the silly little details of their day :) Consider this your fair warning Cynj!

Now don't comment and be all sympathetic- I'm OK with this, really. It is all part and parcel with being the "working" parent and not much different than the working Dad's of all those SAHM families. I'm too practical to get hung up on something I can't change much. The fact that he (and the girls, let's not forget them!) are going to be with two of the best caregivers for them I can think of really, really makes it OK. Besides, I'm a fan of them gaining a knowledge that people can love and care for them- not just Mom and Dad.

I get my evenings, weekends and the special middle-of the night feeding times (yes, they are a blessing and a curse!). I'll still get to smoosh his chubby cheeks and make him smile and cuddle and soothe him. He'll still know I'm his mommy and that I'm someone special. In lots of ways, I get the "happy fun time" part of parenting too- I miss a lot of the daily grind and long hours while I'm off earning money and talking to the other adults :)

So the answer to the "Are you sad to go back to work?" is still "Not really", but I recognize now that there is a part of me that is- just a little bit.

One week

Wow, time flies- especially these last 11 weeks. One week from today I'll be back to work and as usual, I feel mixed.

I'm excited at the prospect of getting a shower every day. It will be fun to hang out with adults and not have to negotiate with the 3 yr. old as much. I really miss the faster pace of juggling work and "life"- I find "just" staying home with the kids to be kind of boring. I like getting a lot done in a day and I've found that between taking care of the kids and the newborn, I can't do as much as I like. When I'm at work, I'll be able to do more! I have a lot of friends at work and I've missed my daily interaction with them. I like my job, and I'm excited about the new projects and etc. that will be waiting for me.

I'm not looking forward to being away from the kiddos all day again. As difficult as it is, I feel like I'm just starting to get into a "groove" and feel confident with the whole SAHM thing. I'm concerned about how our family is going to balance everything- grad school, work, etc. I didn't realize how nice it was to have DMP home to worry about fixing dinner, cleaning and laundry. I don't know how those things will still get done (not to mention reading practice and quality time with the kiddos). I know they will and that lots of families manage with both parents working :)

I'm super-grateful that the kids are going to be taken care of by Aunt Cynj. I'm not worried/traumatized by leaving my baby and going to work because I know that he'll be with the next best thing to Mom and Dad. Aunt Cynj loves "Butter" and Birdy and EJ adore her and think her house is almost as good as Disneyland.

Happy Birthday to Me!

I know things are late around here, and it's been a while, but I had a great birthday that I want to tell you about. The girls decorated these beautiful cakes for me. The taste was, shall we say... interesting... with all that candy on top, but they were super proud of them. EJ's is on the left and Birdy's is on the right. My nice husband sent me some flowers. It was cute, EJ was very impressed and thought it was so cool!

The day after my birthday, we went to Shoga in Provo for some sushi. We took Bear with us and Cyndi was nice enough to watch the girls. We were hoping for a quiet, grown-up dinner, but Bear had other plans. He started fussing shortly after they brought out our appetizer and didn't look like he was going to quit, so we had to get our sushi to go. Oh well, maybe next year (and we'll definately leave the grumpy bear home!).

37 Weeks

OK- this is an awful picture of me- I don't think I really have a double chin (right? right?!?!). I needed something to use for what is (hopefully) my last pregnancy update... Because seriously, if there is something like a week 41 or 42, I'll go crazy!

I'm feeling OK- the baby is lower now so that means less(ish) heartburn and I feel like I can breathe better. I'm kind of freaked out because my belly is bigger than it was with the girls. EJ was 1 oz shy of 9 lbs so I don't need a bigger baby than that, thankyouverymuch!

It is hot, and I'm so big and uncomfortable. DMP and the girls are taking good care of me. It's great that I have little muchkins who are willing to pick up the things I drop :) Mostly we're all just ready to meet our little guy!

Work + Fun

Last week I had a little work trip to SF so I decided to build in a quick visit to Bek's. She was super-nice to have me, and I just love hanging with her family and getting to spend time with her kids. It is especially fun to hang out with them in their "natural habitat" without the distracting influence of Grandma/Grandpa/My Kids.

I think I'm going to hire this one to be my personal assistant- what do you think?

I love that N's hair is "crazier" than Birdy's! Birdy think's it is pretty awesome, too.

Bek took me for delicious Vietnamese food. *sigh* I wish we had decent Vietnamese in Utah County!

I also got to have the greatest invention ever- Garlic Fries! Can you imagine? My two loves, fries and garlic, married together with grated parmesan! It was worth the trip just for these bad boys!

9 Years!

May 19th marked our 9 year anniversary! I have a hard time believing it has been 9 years. It seems like forever and not very long at the same time. The pic above are my "anniversary flowers". The stupid voles chewed through our only surviving rosebush on our back patio, so we got replacements. Grandma and Grandpa K were super-great and had the girls over for a sleepover so DMP and I got a nice long date and even better, the chance to sleep in!

I thought I could write some great anniversary post about how far we've come and etc. but I'm not that great of a writer to begin with, and the baby has eaten my brain. Plus I feel like this anniversary is all about waiting- waiting for the baby, waiting for the big 1-0 and the big trip we are planning. All I can say is that I'm so grateful and I feel so blessed that we are where we are today. I'm lucky to have such a great partner and friend!

30 Weeks

Ta Da! The "official" 30 week pic (good thing we got one before it became 31!). I'm feeling pretty good, and things seem to be going well. Brother kicks (a lot!) but, unlike the girls, he doesn't seem to be as into schooching up as high into my lungs/chest as possible, so that is nice. Not so nice is the constant heartburn. I only get it when I'm preggo- the first time I had it with EJ, I thought I was having a heart attack until DMP pointed out it was probably heartburn!

Sleep is getting harder because if the kicking, readjusting the belly pillow every time I roll over, and having to pee a lot, but nothing more than expected. I find out the results of my Glucose test tomorrow. Cross your fingers that it is OK and I don't have to prick my finger every day for the next 10 weeks (ish)!

We are slowly getting things ready for this little guy. We have plenty of clothes (thanks Cynj!) and the baby's room is slooooowwwlly transforming from the craft/storage/misc. junk room into a 1/2 storage & 1/2 baby room. Hopefully we'll get everything done before he comes. Oh, yeah, when I say "we" I really mean DMP is moving and cleaning while I direct. He's such a great guy!

EJ is still excited and will frequently greet "Baby Brother" before me when I come home from work. She is still acting like a "little mother" and is eager to help me with anything I need (which is awesome because picking stuff up off the floor is hard!) Birdy is OK with the baby being a brother as long has he has pink hair, she can put him in dresses, and his name is Sparkle Shiver-Shiver. Hey, it's a bit of progress, right?

UPDATE: I went to my Dr appt today and my glucose test was all normal! Hip! Hip! Hurray!