In Memory

Four years ago today, one of my best friends, BeckyAnn, passed away. Every year around this time, and around her birthday in October I tell myself that I'm going to do it- I'm going to write The Post about what she means to me and how much I learned from her. But I haven't done it yet because it is emotional and I'm afraid I just won't do the topic justice. So I decided that this May to let go of that pressure and just sit down and write a rememberance and try to give my 3 readers (hi Tennille!) an idea of who she is and what I learned from her.

We met sometime after Senior year started (mid-September?) when she moved to our town from Portland, OR. My other best friend, Kim, was assigned to be her "buddy" on her first day and show her around. She introduced me to Becky and I looked at her porcelin-doll face with her big, beautiful eyes and long silky golden-brown hair and I thought "She's too pretty and too much of "fresh meat" to hang out with us- some other group will snatch her up." (BTW- Not a disparaging comment about me or Kim or our group of friends - new people were few and far between at our school- espcially pretty girls etc.

Lucky for me (us) she stuck with us and we got to know her a lot better and soon it was like she had always been a part of our lives. She was an athelete and participated in swimming, cross-country and track. She pioneered the creation of Wasatch High's very first swim team. She was always nurturing and responsible. I remember when we first met she took care of her sisters while her Mom went back to school. She was so smart. She was on the honor roll and we were all on the Academic Decathalon team together. She was artistic. She loved art and photography and she was always creating someting. I remember on one visit home from college, I went to her house and she was cutting out pictures and sayings and scraps of magazines and decopauging them to a glass bottle. I still have the jar I made that day on my dresser :) She was so fun because she was the "girly one"- the one who knew most about hair, makeup and clothes.

Many of my memories of my wedding day are tightly linked with Becky. She showed up at my house to spend the night before I got married with a HUGE duffle bag of everything I might possibly need. I remember that while I was getting married and Cyndi was doing my hair, Becky was giving me a pedicure and filing my toenails! Now that is love and friendship :) She was also the assigned "candid" photographer and her zillions of photos of that day are more cherished than the professional staged ones- she really captured our personalities and love. Plus it was funny to see her popping out of bushes like the paparazzi!

We continued to be friends through our many life changes over the next few years- my marriage (and subsequent boring-ness) and move to Arizona, her move to Provo with Kim, her inexplicable decision to join a country dance team and buy a cowboy hat :>, her marriage, my 1st pregnancy, and her adoption of her darling daughter Anna. It was still so great because even through all those changes, whenever we talked, emailed or when I was home it was like we'd never been apart.

Then the stars aligned and we moved back to UT, even living in Heber at the same time as Becky and Chris. We became closer than ever- we were both married and with daughters about the same age. She was there as a fellow new mom and a shoulder to cry on. It was great.

When our girls were about 2 and I was barely pregnant with Birdy, she was diagnosed with a rare cancer. I think of her courage and grace and fighting spirit through her months of punishing chemo and grim prognosis every single day. She told me once she received a blessing that others would learn from her illness and I am a living testimony of the fulfillment of that blessing. I think of my comparatively small trials and think of how easily I fall into the "Why me?!" or "This is too hard!" attitude. I never once heard her express frustration (although I'm sure she felt it sometimes) and she retained her faith in Heavenly Father's plan for her. As I face adversity in my own life I look to her example and try to face them with the same faith, courage and grace.

I'll never forget how I felt when Becky's sister called me to let me know that she was having some complications and that the Dr.'s had given her about 48 hrs. and that she wanted to see me. After pulling myself together I went upstairs to take a shower. I prayed so hard to know what I should say and for some peace to help get me through the difficult time I knew was ahead.

I received such peace and comfort then. I knew that that even thought it was sad and difficult to say goodbye to my dear friend who is also a young wife and mother like myself, it was Heavenly Father's plan for her life. I knew that she had fulfilled her time here and she was being called to a new mission. I also felt comfort that our parting wasn't permanent and that it was just like she was going to take a long trip. That helped me to be calm and know what to say and how to treat what was essentially our goodbye visit.

When I got to her house we laughed and joked and talked candidly. It was time for her to rest, and she asked Chris (her husband) and me to stay. I was at the head of her bed by her pillow, playing with her hair (which she loved). There was an open window by the bed that let in the fresh, warm breeze. We could see the TONS of lilacs outside swaying gently and occasionally smell them.

It was one of those peaceful, perfect, golden moments that you never forget. I was able to simply tell her that I was going to miss her, and she said she would miss me too. If it were a movie there would probably be a big scene that ended with me singing "Wind Beneath my Wings" or something like that, but it was just the opposite. At the end of the day, nothing needed to be said, she knew how I felt and I know how she felt and it was peaceful and sweet.

I feel like there is so much more I could and should say about her, but I could never get it all down. Instead, I hope Kim doesn't mind if I share some of her amazing eulogy for Becky (because, hey, she's the writer, not me!):

"Becky was and is a continuing light in our lives. She laughed easily, even at herself. She was delighted by life's beauties, including nature and the ocean. The Savior's light shined in her happy face, and she was like him in countless ways. Although she has passed on, she continues to testify of what was important to her by the legacy she leaves: a loving family, gospel covenants intact, a life lived faithfully even in the face of pain."

I miss her and think of her every day. I wish she could see how much Birdy and EJ has grown, and meet my boy. I'm grateful that I have such an amazing friend and I feel blessed to have known her.